How to Encourage a Child to Keep Trying
When something's hard, little ones often want to quit on the spot. Here's how to gently encourage keep-trying, without piling on pressure.
The zip won't do up, the tower falls down, the drawing "looks wrong", and a little one is suddenly in a heap of I can't. Wanting to quit when something's hard is completely normal. The aim isn't to push them through it, but to make trying again feel safe and worthwhile.
Why they give up
For a young child, struggling can feel like proof they're "no good at it." They don't yet know that struggle is simply what learning feels like. A lot of giving up is really a child protecting themselves from that feeling.
Praise the effort, not the result
"You worked so hard at that" teaches something very different from "you're so clever." Praising effort tells a child that trying is the valuable bit, so a wobble next time doesn't feel like failure. Praising only success can quietly make them avoid anything hard.
Make it okay to be a beginner
Let them see that grown-ups are bad at things first too. "I couldn't do this either when I started. Look, mine's wonky." Normalising the messy early stage takes the shame out of not-yet-being-able.
Break it small
A big hard thing becomes a small possible one when you shrink it. Not "tie your shoes," but "let's just make the first loop." Small wins rebuild the belief that trying gets you somewhere.
A story about not giving up
A gentle story lets a child watch someone struggle and keep going. Fenn and the Skipping Stone is a warm tale about learning to skip a stone, and about perseverance, patience with yourself, and trying once more, for children ages 3 to 6.
General, gentle ideas for encouraging perseverance, not educational or behaviour advice. Every child learns at their own pace.